How do you talk to yourself? Being self -critical in the form of constructive criticism may feel helpful and a way to motivate oneself. However, using insults, put downs or a high level of negativity can have a negative impact on self-esteem, self-mage and mood.
Observing one’s own behavior from a place of curiosity. I wonder why I did that? What am I feeling at this moment? What is troubling me about my behavior?
The criticism comes from a place of reflection. These are the things I can do to do better. That wasn’t my best effort. I need to improve. I made a mistake.
The criticism comes from a place of fear and/or hurt. I am stupid, lazy, fat, dumb, obnoxious. I never get anything right. I always mess up. I am unlovable. Why would anyone want to ever hire me?
Self-Talk Check In- take a snap shot of your day. Set a timer on your phone. When it goes off, write down what you have been telling yourself during the day up until that point. Count and compare the number of negative, positive and neutral statements. Do the negatives outnumber the other two?
I invite you to alternate between the constructive critic and the curious observer.