The end of a relationship can bring about many different responses and reactions. Sometimes the response feels manageable and the process moves swiftly. Other times, one may feel stuck. Regardless of the amount of time, remembering that it is a process is a way to honor where you are at in any given moment of time.
Here are 7 things to consider as you move beyond the breakup:
1. It is a process and the process belongs to you. There is no magic formula for how to or how long it will take to process the end of a relationship. You can process on your own or seek support as needed.
2. Your feelings are valid and you do not have to rush through them. Feeling lonely, angry, sad and irritated are common feelings. It is not uncommon to feel multiple things at once. The goal is to catch yourself if you feel as though you are stuck in any one feeling space.
3. Breaking up in the social media world is not a bad or petty thing to do. If you would not follow your ex around in the real world, there is no need to do so in the cyber world. Unfollowing on social media is a way to provide yourself some space to process.
4. Think about what feelings you enjoyed within the relationship and find ways to recreate that feeling. For example, if you enjoyed exciting moments with your ex, create your own moments that elicit excitement by trying something new.
5. Take time to rediscover yourself. Your sense of identity may shift as you define what single means for you. You are whole with or without a partner. Make a list of some of your favorite things. Are you still engaging in them? If not, make time to add them back to your routine.
6. Your thoughts are not facts. Thoughts belong to the mind in which they are created. This means any thoughts that have turned into scripts for what if, or what might have been are not accurate. Some things that you think your ex is saying or doing are projections of where you are at in your thought process.
7. Closure is something that you actually give to yourself. It can create distress to feel as though your healing is in the hands of another person. The cleansing closure conversation where the end of the relationship is wrapped up rarely happens. If the conversation does occur, it may not come in the timeframe that one would hope to have it or consist of the words that were expected. Even when there is a conversation, it is up to you as to whether or not you accept it. This is why closure belongs to you. With this being said, you can find ways to provide yourself with closure without engaging with your ex.
Moving beyond a breakup is a process and each time may feel different from the last. Put yourself first and allow yourself to navigate this process without judging yourself. Be love! Be well! Be whole!
*Be on the lookout for the “It’s a Process” breakup journal coming soon.*